Preventing Climate Change

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today, signaling six weeks of winter to come. This is great news.

If he had not seen its shadow today, spring would have come early. This would not bode well with environmentalists.

In fact, in an effort to prevent global warming, each year the groundhog should be lit with a bright spotlight so that it always sees a shadow. It's the environmentally responsible thing to do.